Friday, January 10th 2025
- Anna
- Jan 10
- 5 min read
Updated: Jan 12
Today was a day. Let me set the scene for you. I was asleep in my hotel room in San Jose, Costa Rica, sleeping well, which is unusual for me. Suddenly, my phone buzzed. It was my dad calling, not an odd occurrence on its own, but at 6am on a morning he knew I would want to be sleeping, that was now odd. I answered and found out that my paternal grandpa had sepsis and was most likely going to die today. Would I like to say goodbye to him over the phone? Of course, but what do I say?
Let me take you back even further. Monday, December 30th, 2024, Northfield, Minnesota. I was set to depart Minneapolis on January 1st at 7am for a 2.5-month-long trip, so I was busy packing my bags and saying my last goodbyes to friends. My mom came home to tell me that my maternal grandma was going into hospice, and tomorrow would most likely be the last time I would see her alive. She had broken her hip a couple weeks previous and was having a rocky recovery. It was awful news to hear. I was in shock and unable to fully process what was happening so I continued with my tasks and tried to get a good night's sleep.
The next morning, I was a wreck, basically woke up crying. I still had some errands to run before my departure, so I was up and out of the house early. Every single song on the radio seemed to make it worse. I entered Target, Ulta, Barnes & Noble, Ace Hardware, and another Target, all while sobbing. I had my sunglasses on indoors, tears streaming as I got what I needed. Eventually, it was time to go to the hospital to see my grandma. I won't go into details, but it was sad, it was good, and ultimately, it was full of nice last moments together.
That night, back in Northfield, a few minutes past 1am on the new year, my mother received a phone call that my grandma had died. This was unexpected. I knew she was going to die soon, but I didn't think she would pass within hours of my last visit. My mom and I were the last of our family to see her alive.
I canceled my outbound flight, my hotel room in San Jose, and my shuttle bus, and reached out to my AirBnB to see if I could delay my check-in. I decided to stay in Minnesota for another week to help my mother prepare for the funeral. Fast forward to Wednesday, January 8th, 2025, the day of my grandma's funeral. It was a beautiful day filled with the sharing of memories, good music, and family. I felt I had done the right thing by staying to help my mom and family through this transition. I was ready to set off on my trip again. I could grieve alone and in my own way, decompressing after a very sad and stressful start to the new year. After 12+ hours of travel, I finally made it to my hotel room in San Jose, ordered room service, and passed out, ready to make the trek to Puerto Viejo de Talamanca in the morning.
Now back to where we started. After receiving that phone call from my dad and phoning/waking up my sister to tell her the news, I sat on my hotel bed, upset with myself. How was I not more prepared to say goodbye? I had just gone through this, seen how quickly death can take a loved one, and had all the thoughts about what should be said. Yet, I was incredibly ill-equipped to do it again. I know I told him I loved him, that we would take care of his wife, my last remaining grandparent, and that I always loved hearing his stories, no matter how many times I had heard them before. I hope he knows all the things I forgot to say.
He too had been going through a hard time medically leading up to this. About two weeks earlier, my grandpa was taken to the emergency room because he had a seizure. The ER discovered several other concerning medical conditions, but he was discharged after one day. It seemed that if he followed their prescribed treatment plan and slowed down his activity, he would be in the clear for a while. Beyond that, there were internal family issues over the last four years since Covid that had prevented me or any of my family members from hugging, touching, or being in an enclosed room with my paternal grandparents. Luckily, this visit to the emergency room was a wake-up call for him and enabled our family to begin to heal. I hugged him and got to visit with my grandparents inside their house before my departure. So, on my way to the airport for my second attempt at flying for Costa Rica, I was hopeful that while I had just lost one grandma, my remaining grandparents and I were in a better space to grow our relationship.
All this is to give context to my mindset today, during my first full day in Costa Rica. I had booked a private shuttle bus to take me to my destination, as I felt it would be a more comfortable 3.5-hour journey. I was picked up at 7:15am and arrived in Puerto Viejo de Talamanca by 10:45am. I spent my time on the bus taking in the sights and freshening up on my Spanish. Today was sunny, warm, and humid—a perfect day to be at the beach. Once I got settled in my AirBnB, that was the first place I went. I spent hours sitting in the sand, just watching the waves. Of course, I had my new Kindle with me, so I read a couple of chapters. But mostly, I just wanted to sit and be still. I had spent most of December busy visiting friends, packing, and getting my life lined up to be out of the country for months, on top of the holidays and dealing with two grandparents going through major health issues. Then starting the new year off with a major loss and the chaos of planning a funeral while trying to process my grief and help others through theirs. Being still was all I was looking for.
I ended my day with a good takeout meal and a hot outdoor shower. Now, I am writing this, trying to see if putting it all out into the universe will help me feel better or at least feel something other than pure exhaustion. I don't have much more to say about it all—no insights about growth through tragedy or how we should never take life for granted, etc. I am completely confused as to why this has all happened so quickly and all at once. I guess that's life? I am not entirely satisfied with that answer.
Tomorrow's to-do list:
Rent a bike
Get groceries
Drink good Costa Rican coffee
Comments